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Every one of us has a unique money story—a narrative shaped by our experiences, beliefs, values, and the significant events that have impacted our relationship with money. At RAW Money, we believe that understanding your money story is crucial for achieving financial well-being. This involves exploring how past traumas, life stages, and personal narratives influence your financial behaviours. By doing so, you can rewrite your money story with a spirit of Radical Acceptance With (RAW).

The Foundations of Your Money Story

Your money story is deeply rooted in your early experiences and the messages you received about money. These experiences often align with Erik Erikson’s stages of psychosocial development, which provide a framework for understanding how we grow and change throughout our lives.

Childhood (Trust vs. Mistrust, Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt, Initiative vs. Guilt)

In the early stages of life, our relationship with money begins to form. If you grew up in an environment where financial stability was uncertain, you might develop a sense of mistrust around money. Conversely, a stable financial environment can foster a sense of trust and security. As you move into stages of autonomy and initiative, your early encounters with money—whether through allowances, chores, or observing your parents’ financial behaviours—start to shape your own attitudes and habits.

Adolescence (Industry vs. Inferiority, Identity vs. Role Confusion)

During adolescence, the messages you receive about money from peers, family, and society play a significant role in forming your financial identity. Feelings of industry (competence) or inferiority can arise based on how you perceive your financial skills compared to others. This period is critical for developing a sense of financial identity—whether you see yourself as capable and independent or uncertain and reliant on others.

Adulthood: Navigating Financial Life Stages

As you progress into adulthood, your money story continues to evolve. Each decade brings new challenges and opportunities, further shaping your financial narrative.

20s: Intimacy vs. Isolation

In your 20s, establishing financial independence is a key milestone. This stage often involves starting your career, managing student loans, and setting the groundwork for your financial future. Narrative therapy can help you explore the stories you tell yourself about money—are you confident in your ability to manage finances, or do you feel overwhelmed? By understanding these narratives, you can begin to reshape them with positive, empowering messages.

30s: Intimacy vs. Isolation, Generativity vs. Stagnation

Your 30s are a time for building a solid financial foundation. This may involve buying a home, supporting a family, and saving for the future. It’s a period where the balance between personal financial goals and broader responsibilities (whatever they maybe) becomes crucial. Embracing a narrative of competence and stability can help you navigate these challenges. Addressing unhelpful habits and addictions, such as substance misuse, gambling, impulsive spending, is also essential during this decade.

40s: Generativity vs. Stagnation

In your 40s, the focus often shifts to long-term planning and ensuring financial security for yourself and your loved ones. This is a time to reassess your financial priorities and values. Your narrative therapy work might involve confronting any lingering financial anxieties or insecurities and replacing them with stories of resilience and resourcefulness.

50s and Beyond: Generativity vs. Stagnation, Integrity vs. Despair

As you approach your 50s and beyond, the narrative of your money story often involves preparing for retirement and legacy planning. This stage emphasises the importance of generativity—contributing to the well-being of future generations. Reflecting on your financial journey with a spirit of Radical Acceptance With can help you find peace and satisfaction, regardless of past mistakes or missed opportunities.

Trauma-Informed Financial Therapy

Understanding your money story through a trauma-informed lens is crucial. Past traumas can significantly impact financial behaviours, leading to responses such as avoidance, compulsive spending, or financial anxiety. Narrative therapy provides tools to explore these responses and rewrite your financial narrative in a healing and empowering way.

Addressing Trauma Responses

• Spend (Flight Response): Recognise if your spending habits are driven by a need to escape uncomfortable emotions. Practice mindfulness and intentionality in your spending decisions.
• Save (Freeze Response): Understand if your saving habits stem from a fear of future scarcity. Balance saving with enjoying life and meeting current needs.
• Give (Fawn Response): Reflect on whether your generosity is an attempt to gain approval or avoid conflict. Establish healthy boundaries around your giving.
• Receive (Fight Response): Notice if you struggle to accept help or gifts. Practice receiving with gratitude and openness, trusting that you are worthy of abundance.

Rewriting Your Money Story

By embracing the concepts of Radical Acceptance With and integrating the insights from Erikson’s life stages and narrative therapy, you can rewrite your money story with compassion and resilience. Here are some practical steps:

1. Reflect on Your Past: Explore the early experiences and messages that shaped your financial beliefs. Acknowledge how these have influenced your current behaviours.
2. Identify Negative Narratives: Recognise any negative stories you tell yourself about money. Challenge these narratives and replace them with positive, empowering messages.
3. Set Intentional Goals: Align your financial goals with your values and aspirations. Use these goals to guide your financial decisions and behaviours.
4. Seek Support: Engage with financial counsellors, therapists, or support groups to work through trauma and develop healthier financial habits.
5. Practice Radical Acceptance With: Embrace your financial journey with openness and self-compassion. Accept where you are now and take proactive steps towards a more positive financial future.

Conclusion

Your money story is a powerful narrative that shapes your financial behaviours and beliefs. By understanding and transforming this story through the lens of Erikson’s life stages, narrative therapy, and a trauma-informed approach, you can achieve greater financial well-being. Embrace the journey with Radical Acceptance With, knowing that you have the resilience and resourcefulness to navigate your financial life with grace and wisdom.